Story: Can't Help Falling In Love...With Graceland

With audio tours offered in eight different languages and hours of waiting just to get inside, there’s no question that Graceland is a major stop on the international tourist circuit. I visited recently and discovered that the Graceland tour isn’t just for Elvis pilgrims - It’s for anyone who appreciates a glimpse into the bizarre life and death of modern American royalty. Here's how it happens.

The Wait
I waited a full 32 hours before actually getting in because I arrived on a Monday night to find that Graceland is closed on Tuesdays. Besides using this time to see Memphis (recommended), I also used it to download Elvis music and begin the process of saturating my consciousness with the sappy, tender melodies of the best selling musician of all time. When Wednesday finally arrived, I had already seen the Sun Studio space where the King cut his first record, all of the hotel signs along Elvis Presley Boulevard that boast "All King beds," and listened to Elvis' 50 greatest hits on continuous repeat about two dozen times.

The Tickets and More Waiting
Like any monolithic tourist attraction, Graceland offers a tiered ticket system. Prices start with the basic mansion tour and rise all the way to something called the "VIP Entourage Tour" which would have cost me an entire week’s budget. I went for the midrange "Platinum Package" which includes access to the inside of Elvis' jet planes. Tickets in hand, I moved to a second long line, waiting for the shuttle.

The Shuttle
Is necessary because Graceland is actually across the street.

The Mansion
Audio tour in hand, the shuttle drops you at the front door of the Graceland mansion, a modest white house that is the result of a collision between a colonial mansion and the well-kept, split level Brady Bunch house. Roman columns and stone lions meet the suburban American dream. Never mind the outside though, because it's the famously garish interior decor that you're here to see.

Downstairs
This is where you are allowed to go. Your audio tour guides you proudly through the common rooms while narrating the origins of each vase, chair and stained glass peacock window. As expected, each room is more absurdly and ornately decorated than the last, with the big payout assumed to be the final room - the infamous Jungle Room. I actually found the Jungle Room to be the most disappointing, much preferring the rumpus rooms in the basement; the yellow vinyl padded room that features a wall with three color televisions simultaneously broadcasting game shows and westerns, the billiards room with the paisley circus tent ceiling, and even the stairwell leading you up from the basement to the Jungle Room, with walls wrapped in green, deep-pile carpeting. But the Jungle Room itself? Orange lampshades, brown leather sofas and a couple of leopard print pillows. Yawn. Now, on to the upstairs.

Upstairs
You're not actually allowed to go upstairs.

The Grounds
Disappointed by not being allowed to see the upstairs bathroom where Elvis collapsed in an overdose heap of pills, you are now allowed to wander around the grounds. The grounds are dotted with various outbuildings that house Elvis' massive collection of awards, gold records, memorabilia and his most famous performance jumpsuits. These jumpsuits, like the interior decor, do not disappoint.

The Jumpsuits
Under no circumstances are you allowed to touch Elvis' amazing bejeweled jumpsuits, not even if you ask nicely twenty five times. Most of the jumpsuits, sparkling, belted with thick gold buckles and stitched with patriotic motifs are safely housed behind glass cases. Those not in cases are secured instead behind thick velvet ropes. If you reach across these velvet ropes, even to make a harmless pointing gesture, your movement will be noticed by one of a thousand security cameras, prompting a voice to boom out over the loudspeakers, "PLEASE DO NOT REACH TOWARDS THE EXHIBITS, THANK YOU, THANKYOUVERYMUCH." I did not try this, but saw several who did and witnessed the same reprimand each time. I like to imagine that if you don't obey the loudspeaker, you will be sent to Graceland Jail.

Graceland Jail
I'm pretty certain this doesn't actually exist.

Elvis' Grave
If you manage to stay out of Graceland Jail, the mansion tour concludes with a look at the graves of Elvis and his parents, just out back behind the pool. There is no mention of the dubious and tragic circumstances surrounding the man’s demise. Instead, there is a memorial garden, where the graves are tastefully adorned with elaborate flower arrangements sent by fan clubs from around the world. Despite the fact that the King of Rock N' Roll is buried in his backyard, in the manner usually reserved for beloved household pets, I would actually describe this part of the tour as "pretty powerful."

Other Exhibits and Gift Shops
When you book the Platinum Tour Package, you're given access to several add-on exhibits, each one with its own gift shop. These included a museum of Elvis' car, golf cart and snowmobile collections, a tour of the Lisa Marie jet plane with gold plated seat belts and a queen sized bed, an additional museum of less-popular jumpsuits and a brief display on Elvis' short stint in the U.S. Army. Because you’ve already been on your feet for hours viewing the mansion and grounds, most of these exhibits suck.

The Final Analysis
A day at Graceland is a minimum $50 commitment per person in your party, including some compulsory junk from the gift shop. In light of this, you may find yourself thinking long and hard about whether or not a tour of Graceland is right for you. Don't think. Just go. And then tell everyone you know that it was one of the wildest, weirdest stops on your road trip because boy, is it ever. I'm in love, I'm all shook up.