How To: Rule the Boardwalk

Every summer my family descends upon the Jersey Shore for a week of pure, unadulterated fun filled fun. Days of saltwater taffy and fresh chocolate fudge, nights of amusement park rides, air hockey and one more chance to finally conquer those unwinnable boardwalk games.

Offered up as games of skill, these classic carnie attractions are designed to humble even the most confident player. In my heart I know this will finally be my year. Mr. 4-foot, Sponge Bob Square Pants—you’re leaving town with me.

Winning the elusive big prize is no easy task. So here are some insider tips to neutralize the house advantage and help even the odds.

THE GAMES:

GAME: Balloon Dart Throw
DIFFICULTY: ** (2 out of 5 stars)
CHALLENGE: Face an imposing wall of balloons and pop them with darts to reveal your prize.
TIP: The darts are intentionally dull and the balloons are under-inflated. Don’t concern yourself with technique just throw the dart as hard as you can. The best prizes are usually hidden on the sides and the corners so avoid the middle.

GAME: Milk Bottle Throw Down
DIFFICULTY: *** (3 out of 5 stars)
CHALLENGE: Hurl a baseball at a pyramid of milk bottles and bring them all crashing down.
TIP: A trophy case full of Cy Young awards isn’t necessary. Since the bottles are made with heavy leaded glass, aim for the base of the bottom two bottles, not the intersection where the bottles three meet.

GAME: Water Gun Race
DIFFICULTY: *** (3 out of 5 stars)
CHALLENGE: Clowns and guns, it just doesn’t get any better. Using pressurized water guns, players race to inflate balloons through the mouths of smiling fiberglass clowns. First player to burst his balloon is the winner.
TIP: A steady hand, a focused eye and the right amount of water pressure will lead you to victory. To determine which gun shoots the hardest, observe a few races before your play and then choose your weapon.

GAME: Test Your Strength
DIFFICULTY: *** (4 out of 5 stars)
CHALLENGE: Using an oversized mallet, whack a small target to send a metal weight 15 feet into the air. As advertised, “ring the bell, win a prize.”
TIP: Contrary to what the name suggests this game is actually a challenge of form and accuracy. Grip the mallet at the base of the handle. Raise it over your head and strike down with your body’s full momentum. Always aim for the center of the target.

GAME: Basketball Free Throw
DIFFICULTY: ***** (5 out of 5 stars)
CHALLENGE: Simple in principle. Throw a basketball through a hoop.
TIP: Channeling your inner Kobe will only get you so far. The ball is over inflated and the hoop is smaller than regulation size. Shoot with a high arc, avoid the backboard and make sure the barker puts the ball through the hoop at least once before you play.